{"id":2916,"date":"2026-02-24T15:35:57","date_gmt":"2026-02-24T15:35:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/2026\/02\/24\/its-time-to-get-more-comfortable-with-talking-about-dying\/"},"modified":"2026-02-24T15:35:57","modified_gmt":"2026-02-24T15:35:57","slug":"its-time-to-get-more-comfortable-with-talking-about-dying","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/2026\/02\/24\/its-time-to-get-more-comfortable-with-talking-about-dying\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s time to get more comfortable with talking about dying"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n\t\t\tHealth\t\t<\/a><\/p>\n

\n\t\tIt\u2019s time to get more comfortable with talking about dying\t<\/h1>\n

\n\t\t\tPalliative care physicians offer advice for end-of-life conversations between patients, loved ones\t\t<\/p>\n

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\n\t\tAnna Lamb\t<\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tHarvard Staff Writer\t\t<\/p>\n<\/p><\/address>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

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\n\t\t\t6 min read\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/header>\n

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More than 90 percent of Americans believe that we should be able to talk about death and dying, according to a recent poll.<\/a> But only 27 percent were comfortable doing it, and 31 percent were uneasy about contemplating their own mortality.<\/p>\n

But things may be starting to change. Since the end of the pandemic, more Americans<\/a> are having conversations about end-of-life care. And The New York Times cited a perceived desire for greater openness and more dialogue in launching a new series<\/a> last year aimed at exploring various aspects of death and dying.<\/p>\n

Susan Block, founding chair of the Department of Supportive Oncology at Dana-Farber and Brigham and Women\u2019s Hospital, thinks it\u2019s time.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think that there has been a lot of effort in the past 15-20 years to help patients and families learn how to talk about these issues with each other and also to help medical professionals learn how to talk effectively with patients and families about serious illness and the dying process. And so I think we\u2019re at a good time, in the sense that there are resources available.\u201d<\/p>\n

Block and two other palliative care physicians at Harvard-affiliated hospitals shared their thoughts on having difficult conversations about dying and what those talks can teach us.<\/p>\n

Bridging islands<\/strong><\/h4>\n

One important lesson from end-of-life care is finding ways to let patients and loved ones come together to share grief and worries.<\/p>\n

\u201cPatients, family members and loved ones \u2014 they\u2019re on different islands of worry,\u201d said Jane deLima Thomas, clinical director of Adult Palliative Care at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute\/Brigham and Women\u2019s Hospital Comprehensive Cancer Center. DeLima Thomas is also the associate director of Harvard\u2019s Interprofessional Palliative Care Fellowship, and an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.<\/p>\n

Family members, deLima Thomas said, are often worried about how a patient is doing \u2014 how rapidly they\u2019re declining and how much time may be left. Patients, she added, are often worried about the same thing, but from the other perspective. They want to \u201cstay strong\u201d or \u201ckeep fighting\u201d despite declining health.<\/p>\n

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“There can be an opportunity to do something different \u2014 to acknowledge to each other what\u2019s happening, to face it a little bit more squarely, to prepare to have that be a shared experience, and to an extent to grieve together.”<\/p>\n

Susan Block<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\u201cThere can be an opportunity to do something different \u2014 to acknowledge to each other what\u2019s happening, to face it a little bit more squarely, to prepare to have that be a shared experience, and to an extent to grieve together,\u201d deLima Thomas said. \u201cThere can be room for tenderness and grace and forgiveness and connection \u2014 all of these other things that are not as possible if people are shut down on their little worry islands.\u201d<\/p>\n

Block, who is also a professor at Harvard Medical School, added that having these hard conversations \u2014 connecting the islands \u2014 is not an easy process, but it is an essential one.<\/p>\n

\u201cEven though it\u2019s hard to find the right words, it\u2019s better to have awkward conversations than to not have the conversation,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019ve seen over and over and over again a patient being deeply worried and a family being deeply worried, and they\u2019re worried about the same thing. When somebody can help facilitate a conversation, there is such a sense of relief and of connection that is very healing and very meaningful to both the patient and the family member.\u201d<\/p>\n

Four things<\/strong><\/h4>\n

When it is time to say goodbye, the doctors all shared a version of the same philosophy to make sure important things don\u2019t go left unsaid.  <\/p>\n

\u201cI go back to the Hawaiian \u2018ho\u2019oponopono,\u2019\u201d said Carine Davila, palliative care physician at Mass General. \u201c\u2018I love you. Thank you. I forgive you, and please forgive me.\u2019 Those four things are a good piece of advice, or a go-to.\u201d<\/p>\n

According to Davila, these four jumping-off points can work no matter what state a patient is in, whether sleepy, unconscious, or having a fleeting moment of strength.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a period of time where people, as they\u2019re dying, are getting sleepier and sleepier. And at some point they no longer have much wakeful time,\u201d she said. \u201cSometimes there is a phenomenon we call the \u2018last rally\u2019 where all of a sudden they\u2019re sitting up and having a really nice evening, or suddenly have moments of lucidity, clarity. That period tends to be fairly short.\u201d<\/p>\n

The forgiveness piece, Block adds, can be healing for all.<\/p>\n

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“We just encourage people to say all the things, and then you can say them again. You can say \u2018Thank you\u2019 again. You can say \u2018I love you\u2019 again, but just say the things.”<\/p>\n

Jane deLima Thomas<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\u201cPeople want an opportunity to say, \u2018Thank you for all the things that you\u2019ve done for me.\u2019 That\u2019s a really beautiful, meaningful, healing thing to say. And survivors carry that with them. They also want to be forgiven,\u201d she said. \u201cTo know that that we\u2019ve all made mistakes, we\u2019ve all done things that we regret, and that whatever has transpired in the relationship, that there has been some peace that has been made.\u201d<\/p>\n

Most importantly, deLima Thomas said, is that no matter how in depth the conversations go, you say the important stuff.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt can be fun to reminisce and do some life review. It can be fun to be really explicit about the ways that that person has helped you,\u201d deLima Thomas said. \u201cWe just encourage people to say all the things, and then you can say them again. You can say \u2018Thank you\u2019 again. You can say \u2018I love you\u2019 again, but just say the things.\u201d<\/p>\n

Never too early<\/strong><\/h4>\n

And lastly, doctors advise that you should say the things you want to say at the earliest possible junction. Repeating yourself, by all accounts, is better than not getting a chance to say the thing you want to.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re wondering whether you should go see someone, usually, the answer is yes,\u201d deLima Thomas said. \u201cSometimes people wait for the right time, or they want to make sure that it\u2019s close to the end of life, and I just would encourage most people to let go of that. If they worry that time is short and they want to see that person, they should get on a plane and go see that person and say what you want to say to that person.\u201d<\/p>\n

Davila goes back to the four touchstones of end-of-life conversations. These, she said, can and should be said as soon as possible and as often as possible.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think you can ever say \u2018I\u2019m sorry\u2019 and \u2018Please forgive me\u2019 enough,\u201d she said. \u201cI don\u2019t think you can say \u2018Thank you\u2019 and \u2018I love you\u2019 enough. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s a max on that.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Health It\u2019s time to get more comfortable with talking about dying Palliative care physicians offer advice for end-of-life conversations between patients, loved ones Anna Lamb Harvard Staff Writer February 3, 2026 6 min read More than 90 percent of Americans believe that we should be able to talk about death and dying, according to a …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2917,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"loftocean_post_primary_category":0,"loftocean_post_format_gallery":"","loftocean_post_format_gallery_ids":"","loftocean_post_format_gallery_urls":"","loftocean_post_format_video_id":0,"loftocean_post_format_video_url":"","loftocean_post_format_video_type":"","loftocean_post_format_video":"","loftocean_post_format_audio_type":"","loftocean_post_format_audio_url":"","loftocean_post_format_audio_id":0,"loftocean_post_format_audio":"","loftocean-featured-post":"","loftocean-like-count":0,"loftocean-view-count":99,"tinysalt_single_post_intro_label":"","tinysalt_single_post_intro_description":"","tinysalt_hide_post_featured_image":"","tinysalt_post_featured_media_position":"","tinysalt_single_site_header_source":"","tinysalt_single_custom_site_header":"0","tinysalt_single_custom_sticky_site_header":"0","tinysalt_single_custom_sticky_site_header_style":"sticky-scroll-up","tinysalt_single_site_footer_source":"","tinysalt_single_custom_site_footer":"0","footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2916","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-staying-healthy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2916","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2916"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2916\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2917"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2916"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2916"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/americanvoiceofhealth.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2916"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}